sometimes i look back at things i have written in the past, and have no idea where my head was.
there is a very interesting thing occurring in life currently. the year of the pig is upon us.
we are all in a huge flux mode and have no ides really what could happen next. well, that is really all the time. seriously though, i do feel like there is a big movement just edging in ...
i mentioned to a few people at the end of last year ... about mid july, "things are about to change more than ever... "
this may sound strange, but they have begun.

• i am back in school
• my job is awesome and i am doing exactly what i've wanted
• my girlfriend and i, well the bond is thinning.
• my mom was diagnosed with emphysema
• people are starting to care about their footprint on the earth.

that is just to name a few things.
life is so good even though there are things that just feel icky.
i like change, although i love solidity just as much. the balance in life is beginning to feel solid and that ... that is where reality thrives in the heart.


really there are so many things to be said here ...
but there are english papers to be written ...

what is the big deal? i am in a relationship and it is slowly feeling like it is slipping out of control. i love my cat, she doesn't, she wants sex at least 3 times a week ... i could care a'less. i am seeking cousel for my whoa's, as they are what get me to the end with all my relations, and she ... is feeling more and more irrational.
i just want to be understood, i give where i feel it is needed, and i am affectionate, although, apparently not enough for her.
there is this weird thing that has happened. she was sure and sturdy for some time, and when we came to a moment that we decided to give it "another try" weeks in to it, she was weak and feeling meek and unsure about herself again, this is my opinion and i pull this thought from my feelings ...
she is just putting off weak vibes. in an emotional sense, i mean i really want to see her love for herself, she is just not there yet i suppose....

i can not figure out what is next ... to bed. soon.

what is the big deal? i am in a relationship and it is slowly feeling like it is slipping out of control. i love my cat, she doesn't, she wants sex at least 3 times a week ... i could care a'less. i am seeking cousel for my whoa's, as they are what get me to the end with all my relations, and she ... is feeling more and more irrational.
i just want to be understood, i give where i feel it is needed, and i am affectionate, although, apparently not enough for her.
there is this weird thing that has happened. she was sure and sturdy for some time, and when we came to a moment that we decided to give it "another try" weeks in to it, she was weak and feeling meek and unsure about herself again, this is my opinion and i pull this thought from my feelings ...
she is just putting off weak vibes. in an emotional sense, i mean i really want to see her love for herself, she is just not there yet i suppose....

i can not figure out what is next ... to bed. soon.

there is no drama in my life currently. as i am fully content with that, it is often not so good for pen to paper relations or in this case keyboard to blog.
well, ok, so two fridays ago laura and i were burglarized. the thieves came in sweeping in to my bedroom window take everything of value in their path. uhg. why do people feel the need to terrorize? what was taken: my mac, her two pc's, my cd player and dvd, her two guitars, and along with that went nine years of her writing and our safety!
sleeping in my room was not even a thought in my mind for days!
this has sprurred all sorts of emotions for me. there is loss and fear and terror and anger. the day we were robbed i was walking around in my front yard with a large wood rod, i am NOT violent, so this was out of character. i definately can be sassy, but violence is not my m.o.
so here i sit at the online cafe pecking away at a keyboard that is not my own. eh', really i am ok with that part, it is the part where i have to leave my home, where i feel (somewhat) comfortable and things flow with more ease there. this is all small in the grand scale, it still felt violating and somewhat like a film ... like i was going to wake up and it was all a dream or so.

anyway. times up here...
see you next time.

me: a virgo with a moon in scorpio and a saggitarius rising. i love to write, although i am often spurred by pain, love, loss or incomprehesable happenings. this is a hopeful place for me to bear it all.
we shall see ...
more to come.

day one

just to prime the pump, i would like to start by saying ... i do not often use capital letters for most anything ... i just don't.

the wellbeing of the universe: it is often speculated that we are in some sort of cat-and-mouse game with god; "the dark days", " the end", "the return of jesus christ", etc. my question to all the people of the land is, just how lucky do you think you are? this would all be way to easy!
that is my thought anyway.